Swing tonight...

So they finally called me about the test, it'll be in a couple of weeks...

You know, despite being near-jobless and the lack of music in my life,
I'm finally beginning to like my schedule a little bit more...

Every once in a while people ask me why I'm still single. "Don't you want a girlfriend?" The answer is, yes, I wish I did have a girlfriend. So why am I not running around trying out every girl who might find me mildly interesting? I guess the short answer is that I'm not looking for someone I can live with, but someone who I can't live without. When I find her I want to live the Yellowcard song:

Breathing in this skin tonight
Quiet is my loudest cry
Wouldn't want to wake the eyes that make me melt inside
And if it's healthier to leave you be
May a sickness come and set me free
Kill me while I still believe that you were meant for me

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want my love to be selfish. I don't want to look for love, because I need it. I want love to find me, and work its magic naturally, not forced because of my selfish needs/desires. Even if this means I'll never find romantic love. Because in the end no other love will suffice.

Like I said, I do hope to find the right girl someday. And when it happens, it'll happen. But it'll happen because I think she's worth it, not because I'm afraid of growing old alone, or because I "need" someone.

Discipline. The one thing I ever pursue that I can never seem to achieve. It has proven for me to be as elusive as the rainbow. Its absence leaves me feeling maimed, in need of crutches to get to where I need to go. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever adjust as far as I need to to get by in this culture...